Copyright 2005 Heartmind Connection, LLC
It's the end of November, soon to be December and the holidays
are currently upon us. All you see are Christmas decorations in
the stores and holiday commercials of happy families celebrating
mostly Christmas and New Years Eve. Because you are single and
not even in a significant relationship, this can be a tough time
of year for you, especially if you desire to be a part of a
couple and have a family of your own. The feelings that come up
range from loneliness to dread to jealousy of your friends and
family who seem to have it all!
What's a single guy or gal to do? I surveyed my friends and I
found 5 different strategies that make the holiday season
bearable for them.
1.Stay home and catch up on paperwork! What a great time
to get your taxes in order! You can also spend your time
at home searching the internet dating sites for your true
love. Besides, it's just another day in the year. It will be
over before you know it and you will get a jump on next year!
2.Earn overtime pay by working! Most people want to take off
during the holidays. Who is going to hold the fort? I have a
friend who works in radio. She covers the holiday shift so
others can be with their families. I also know someone who helps
out in a restaurant once a year to help out a friend who is
short-handed. You help others and make some extra pocket change-
it's a win-win!
3. Go out and do the stuff you love! Go to the gym- it's
usually open part of the day (closes early on Christmas Eve and
closed Christmas Day). You can go shopping and take advantage of
the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day. Buy yourself the
items you really wanted for yourself. Go see the movie that you
are dying to see. Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to
visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back.
Or many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on
Christmas Day.
4.Seek out singles events and gatherings. There are singles
many parties on New Years Eve in every major City (
www.prosinthecity.com) . It's a great time to
meet people because everyone is open and festive. No one wants
to be alone on New Years Eve. Or you can create your own party
for friends. Each year I organize a mostly singles dinner for my
friends (we're Jewish) on Christmas day at a local Chinese
restaurant. It's sometime easier not to deal with the couple or
family thing - especially if there are married couples with kids.
Most of my singles friends yearn to have a family. I also know my
single friends are uncomfortable with witnessing the public
display of affection sometimes demonstrated by couples. So it's
just easier to hang out with other singles. 5.Take a trip and
get out of town! My girlfriend takes a cruise in the Caribbean
during Christmas week through New Years Day. There are also
singles ski trips, Club Med and such. Or find a buddy and go
away to the destination of your choosing. Not only are you
taking a vacation, but you never know who you will meet on your
adventure!
A word of caution: Starting in November beware of falling into a
false, convenient relationship. Here you find yourself in a
precarious relationship that's somewhat comfortable (and clearly
not the one) that can carry you through the cold, dark months of winter. This is the hardest time of the year to be single. It
seems as though we are sometimes playing musical chairs and that
by late November, whomever you were dating, you attach yourself
to this person and settle into a relationship for the time
being.
When I was single, I unconsciously found myself in relationships
by late Fall so that I would have someone to be with me during
the holidays. And with my birthday in January and subsequently
the dreaded Valentine's Day in February, I was then in a position
to get the attention and the gifts I truly desired! Funny how
by March or April the relationship broke up and I was out in the
dating world again as spring blossomed.
So you get to choose. How do you want to spend the holidays?
Only you know what feels right for you. Perhaps you want to try
something new this year. It's time to make your plans now so you
are not left out in the cold!
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Amy Schoen, CPCC, is a certified professional life coach who
specializes in helping singles to discover what they need and
want in relationships and how to find their desired romantic
partner. For down to earth tips and helpful hints on dating and
relationships, you can subscribe to her popular monthly ezine or
her tele-seminars at:
http://www.heartmindconnection.com